Voting Question: What should I do? Is this normal on a second marriage?
I have been married for about six months. This is my second marriage. I acknowledge that I am afraid of making the same mistakes. Anyone that has been married knows that it’s now what you do or fail to do but how the other person works side by side with their spouse. No one’s perfect, so it’s about finding the one person that understands who you are, loves you and accepts you and it’s reciprocal.
We are now going through several issues. His 5 year old daughter has a bad temper and he doesn’t do anything about it. I have kids too so this has created an issue because her daughter wants things her way all the time and can’t take no without throwing a temper tantrum. I tried talking to him but it didn’t work, between his mother and his ex that insist and his daughter needing all the attention in the world, I am powerless. The way I see it, my kids have gone through a divorce too, and they still have to behave, we are a family of two families put togheter, I don’t see why anyone should have special treatment when we are all hanging out. I believe it should all be fair, both the love and the discipline.
On the other hand, he moved in with me, into my house. He’s complained about his daughter not having room where to place his toys but this is a small house and we are all crammed. My garage is full with his stuff, I had to get rid of some of my furniture to make room for his and he’s still complaining.
We talked about me keeping my house as separate property before we got married, I am a woman with two girls, I bought this house, I should be entitled to keep it if we were to split. I believe he was offended and I felt I had to be honest about my position, I didn’t want him to invest in a property that might not end up being his, not even a share. Due to this, I have spent money in creating storate for his stuff, mine would fit perfectly anywhere. Also, since we are expecting a baby, we had to build an addition for the house, a room that would be split with his daughter since her and my other daughter couldn’t get along, again, because he failed to address his part in disciplining his daughter. I am the one paying for the expenses in building it, he is the one doing it. We just had a disgreement because he wants to build extra closets and walls and I cannot afford it, and I don’t like the idea, so he just said, “I guess I have to remind myself that this is not my house.” According to our converzations, he is saving and investing to buy a big house so that we can all have our room, I supported him by putting down the first $4,500 for the investment. I am self employed, so once I needed money to cover some expenses and I asked him for $250 and he just ignored me completely. I decided not to invest any more money with him and asked him to return $500 back from that original investment. Our argument yesterday was about we going to the marketstore and, since my feet are swollen, I had to sit down while he stood in line at the cashier’s. He pays the mortgage, because since I am self employed, my income varies, so food is my responsibility, so I gave him my card, which he has used before and left. When we were leaving I wanted to know how much money would be withdrawn from my account for the food and he said he had to pay with his card because couldn’t remember my pin number. I offered to pay him back and he mumbled.
I know that the right thing to do is for me to give him the money spent on the food but I am getting tired of feeling that our marriage is like a business relationship. He was moody and weird at home. Before the market we went to the hardware store and I spent $400 on flooring. My baby is due on two weeks and I will not be able to work for a little while. The money that is sitting on my bank account will be used to pay bills no matter what. I feel like he doesn’t care for me, like it’s all about the money and it hurts my feelings that I am carrying his child and yet I get no considerations.
As you might understand, I don’t like him very much right now. And I don’t know how to approach this. I feel like I should stop trying to please him and make him happy so much and really treat him like he said, like this house is mine and any money invested in it should be for my and my children’s benefit alone. He can fix the garage if he wants of find a storage for his stuff and as for his daughter, I think I have been nice enough to make room for her. I am also concerned of any issues that will arise between his daughter and the baby, what if she gets jelous? Why are men such idiots when it comes to foreseen problems?
